February 2012
24 posts
Talking Shit about a Pretty Sunset
It’s funny how quickly life changes. One day you know one thing to be true, and the next day it isn’t. Someone makes you really really happy, and then they shatter your heart. Something brought you all the joy in the world, but you gave it up. You took something for granted for so long, and finally realize how lucky you are to have it. How does life do it? How do you trust something...
I just had a thought.
Actually…that’s like the dumbest phrase I’ve ever heard of. I have zillions of thoughts everyday, every minute. So I didn’t JUST have a thought. But I think something finally just clicked in my head. It may have taken like a month and a half, but hey. Better late than never. Which, by the way, is also a stupid phrase. There are so many things...
Bad bitches.
I’ve been spending time with an old friend recently, someone who knows me completely. It’s hard to find those people, but when you spend at least an hour a week with someone for years and years, they kind of get to know you like…entirely. So this friend told me that as long as she’s ever known me, she’s always seen me as having two very different, but very present sides. There’s the one side...
“This is a very simple game. You throw the ball, you hit the ball, you catch the...”
– Bull Durham
Drunk Jenga
I knew the answer. I knew the only way things could ever work would be if he came to me. I knew it, I knew it. I’ve even said that out loud to other people. But sometimes my heart says something that my head says no to. Actually…that happens a lot.
But now I’m sitting here, surrounded by friends, but still feeling this teensy bit of loneliness that chases my soul. I know that...
Lonely boy.
Everything is just too much sometimes, you know? I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes a whole bunch of days just jump me at once. I guess in the scheme of things, I don’t really have that much to complain about. In fact, my life is really really really great. I finally have friends that I truly love and want to be around, I’m about to graduate college and that means I have a...
It’s funny the things you only remember about someone once they’re gone.
Tonight I remember the way the gravel of the driveway felt underneath my feet every time I jumped out of the car when we pulled up. I remember the hummingbird feeders hanging from the trees in the front yard. I remember the way the screen door slammed shut behind me. I remember the way the house smelled. I...
Lexie: If Han makes four cups in a row, is she on fire?
Erik: Yes.
Heatin’ UP with my bestest friends :)))
Q
Last night someone asked me what I was most afraid of. Not just what scares me, but what I’m most afraid of in light of the rough past couple of months. What kind of a question is that? Like how do you answer that? I stared at the underside of the coffee table and the giant letter Q written in chalk on it, just like I used to do when I was a little kid, except now that coffee table is in my...
S296
- The way Lauren laughs when something is actually funny
- Hearing Ashlyn swear and use the word “tits” all the time
- Thirsty Thursdays
- Tanning with Lexie and then complaining that we’re itchy
- Letting Ashlyn practice injections on us
- Making fun of Lauren when she practices her pageant walks
- Getting Santana’s with Panda
- Trying to scare each other as much as...
“Every time I get my toenails done and the lady asks if it tickles, I just want...”
– Amanda Clark
“Whenever we give up something we really care about, we hope that the universe...”
– Gossip Girl
Happy birthday, Charles Dickens! Here's a G.K.... →
“In Poland, we have a saying. Love is like a head wound; it makes you dizzy, you...”
– Dorota, Gossip Girl
2/4/05
This is the first of three hard posts I’ll be writing over the next few months. They’re not so sad that you don’t want to read them; I think you’ll like them, actually. They’re sad for me though. Sad to write and sad to think about. But writing is what I do when I’m sad. Actually I write from every emotion: grief, betrayal, love, regret. Writing is like an axe...
"I need you to know something...you're worth a...
Life tells us that you’re not in love unless you can’t live without the other person. Every speech in the movies where the guy runs to the girl and says he doesn’t know who he is apart from her, every song that says the one person was never really alive until they saw the other, all those stupid jewelry commercials that play on our idea that there is only one person for all of us...
The person who first inspired me to write is...
I came to write.
That’s why I always come, you know. I come to hopefully make some sense out of the mess inside my head. But sometimes…words aren’t enough. Sometimes words aren’t enough to fix what’s been broken. But you know me. If I don’t have words, what do I have? Sometimes it felt like I had nothing. But that feeling of being defeated is finally gone.
I guess I always put...
This is why you have friends:
To show up at your door when you’re still asleep, drag you out of bed, force you into the car, drive you to Denny’s, and then sit across the booth from you and tell you you look hungover because you’re wearing yesterday’s dress and you hair is a mess.
Thanks, lbeezy. What would I do without you?
January 2012
19 posts
“What am I supposed to do now?”
“Get up and go on with your life. It’s alright to sit around, be depressed for a minute, cry about it, do whatever you have to, but don’t stay there too long. Get up and go on with your life. This is what I learned in all these years on this earth: if somebody wants to walk out of your life, let them go. Especially if you know...
Sometimes I wonder if I should have given my...
L is for liar.
“Dear God, I’m sorry that I haven’t spent much time with you recently. I know that I haven’t really put in much of an effort, and I feel terrible about that.”
“Lord, I promise that I’m going to start doing things differently and really give you the time you deserve. I’m going to change, I promise.”
“I know I shouldn’t treat you...
Things are lookin' up.
Lots of good came out of today. I got to talk to someone really special to me, and I left feeling so much better than before. Then I went to the range and killed paper people dead; creepy grown men came and complemented me on how good I am with a .357. Then I got to see my Annie cousin and drink melon margaritas. Then we made Kristin four videos, and I wore my prom dress from high school and my...
You’ve probably heard that quote somewhere, “Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.” Well for me, an unexpected friendship happened when I was busy feeling sorry for myself that I didn’t have any friends. Kristin Louise Alstott and I have pretty much…nothing in common. In fact our favorite sports teams are baseball rivals. She shaved her head...
2012: January 26,twentytwelve →
I already miss this girl and she hasn’t even left.
twentytwelveplus:
im home and im just blah. unpacking and trying not to think about things. i miss alysa’s crazy ass! i miss drinking every single night and doing random shit. i kinda miss walking outside and it ALWAYS raining [jus a lil tho] im unpacking and doing laundry and its weird. im excited tho too. the best part of today was...
I cry right along with the sky.
So I come here and I try to make sense of my life. I try to figure out my feelings, and leave a permanent reminder of how my heart felt at this exact moment. I try to take all the thoughts that have captured my mind, and organize them like little soldiers all in a row. I try to hold my heart in my hands and squeeze all the feelings out into a cup. Maybe if I could see them, if I could look at them...
Dear Lex,
Thanks for coming up with the best drink ever. Let’s be roommates forever.
And I was doing so good, too.
Half of my heart says to let it alone. If I let it alone, maybe time will heal it all. Maybe time will fix what’s been broken. But then maybe time will remind you that being apart is exactly what you wanted. Maybe that time will help you find someone new, someone better.
But the other half of my heart says to fight. To fight for what for what I want. To remember why I held on for so long...
“This hole in my heart is in the shape of you, and no one else can fit it. Why...”
– Jeanette Winterson, Written on the Body
If I had one wish...
asdfghjklfuckme:
it’d be that i had a teflon heart <3
That’s the right idea…
Alice once said,
“I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it.”
If my life had a motto, I think that could be it. Here I am, talking to a friend who’s hurting just like me, and telling her all these things that I know will help her. And in the back of my mind, I know they would help me too. But the thing is…I just can’t get myself to listen. I know that if I’m...
asdfghjklfuckme asked: i luv youuuuuuu! and i hope your feeling better! [ ;
I'm just having an allergic reaction to the...
And it’s like your friends don’t know what to say to you, because it wouldn’t matter even if they did know what to say. Instead they grab your hand and remind you they love you. And your eyes are swollen so you can’t see, but it’s okay because the tears would block your vision even if the swelling didn’t. And your walls are empty because they’re missing...
A bridge over troubled waters
Rains come and bring puddles, like the holes that bullets leave to prove they were there. The puddles we walk through become dirty and grey. Some puddles catch leaves, some puddles catch cold and pass it to the kids who jump in the center and turn the puddles into waves. Some puddles are deep and stay for weeks. They watch us leave our homes and they watch us fill our lives with things that...
And they ask you how you are, but they don’t want to know how scared you feel. And they tell you it’ll be alright, but they don’t know that’s true. And they promise they’ll always be there, but then they walk away.
December 2011
4 posts
Life doesn’t stop for you. It doesn’t stop when it’s spinning wildly out of control and you don’t know which way is up. It doesn’t stop when someone you love dies. It doesn’t stop when part of you dies. It doesn’t stop and wait for you to get your footing. It just keeps going. It races and spins, and sometimes it won’t let you go home. But...
You always want everyone to agree on everything. That way everyone gets what they want. Everyone is happy and no one is sad. It’s a wonderful ideal, everybody getting what they want. When you don’t get what you want, or you get what you don’t want, you’re usually not like, “Oh, this is great!” Usually you’re mad or sad or you cry until your head hurts. But...
This is what “roommate” actually means :))) <3 Love her
alexisann:
First time ever i have gone home and genuinely missed my roommate in all four years i have been away at college. I mean, yeah me and hanna don’t get to spend tons of time together but I was just sitting here thinking about our semester and some of the fun times and good talks and laughs we have had and it made me...
"I just wrote it...you know?"
“What does it mean?” he asks.
She sighs quietly and stares at the night sky. What does it mean? The answers twist like a tornado in her head. If only you could see past someone’s eyes and into their brain. If only that would tell you what they really mean, what they really think, what they really want. But tornados in real life are not like tornados in the movies. In the movies,...
November 2011
10 posts
“El silencio fue allí el que habló por los dos amantes, y los ojos fueron las...”
– Don Quixote de La Mancha
Eenie, meenie, minie, mo
So I’m writing this stupid paper about La Celestina…which, if you haven’t heard of it, you probably should. It’s like the Spanish version of Romeo and Juliet. It’s a nice story and all, I’m just on page 14 of this paper, and I NEVER want to read and/or talk about this story ever again after tomorrow. But a lot of this story has to do with fate. You see, this...